Day 98, I guess.   Pauline here.

As a caregiver occasionally you need some space, or time, or maybe just spacetime.  This past few days Ann, Boone's donor was here to stay with him at the hospital to visit him allowing me to get some R&R by packing up as much as I can from the condo and moving it to the farm.  I've talked to our attorney about rental agreements, with which gratefully he is going to help me.

 I've fought with Verizon over my new phone and wifi service to the point I had to get my only blood relative, my nephew, to intervene for me because I was unable to keep it together.  Verizon is billing me over $600 for one month.  Service is terrible.  They say I'm using data like crazy.  No streaming, no interactive gaming.  I am guilty of playing Sudoku from time to time. Over 8 gigs worth, they say.  They are coming out to take  a reading on the signal.  Such a hassle, and this after a three month long fight with AT&T for double billing us.

 I've pressure washed 14 large rugs, and been trying to blow dry them with the leaf blower, but after  3 days they are still too wet to move to the dryer (& too heavy).  I've only gotten half the grass cut, and its raining.  The mower is acting up and I'm having to change belts and fix broken steering pins.  I've used stretch wrap to hold the bagger schute in place so it doesn't fall off, and duct taped the bag holder together so it will hold up the bags.  Now if I can just figure out how to stand it up on its rear...

I'm emptying out the farm house of the "staging furniture" I bought 2 years ago, so there will be room for the condo furniture when it arrives, and to give the house a thourough cleaning.  My plan was to set Boone up a man cave but he insisted he didn't want one, so I'm getting a Pauline Cave in his former wood working shop.  It's big enough for the pool table a full living room set and tv and a small kitchen/ office area along side the chain saws.  I won't black out the windows for me.

There's been condo TV service to cut off and the farm service to change.  Otherwise, I've been  cleaning out and painting the Pauline Cave, unpacking stacks of boxes, sanitizing the old refrigerator and stocking it with soft drinks.

The disability insurance should have kicked in March 1st, but they are stalling.  That's really sorry.  I'm sure they make sure the premiums are paid on time. Just another hassle.

On the trip back from visiting with the nice lady at Verizon, Boone called.  The phone was acting up as usual, and all I heard was something is wrong with his bladder.  I lost it.  This was just too much I had hit my limit.  I seriously considered for over a couple of hours to call Boone's brother, who works as a crisis counselor for his professional help.

Instead, I took a couple of Boone's anti anxiety pills and started screaming.

I had not been able to do a primal screen in decades, but yesterday, there was about 15 minutes of screaming as loud as I possibly could scream.  The dogs were pretty sure they were not in trouble, but were crouching in the corner not knowing what crazy thing I might do next.  Leukka, my only baby child, got up on the pool table, stretched her legs and paws around my neck and laid her head down on my collar bone and licked me once.  She knew Mommy was in a strange place.

Fortunately long ago, while I was bottle feeding Leukka, I started piddling with a moss garden.  It gave me something to do while I had to be paying so much attention to her needs, such as stopping Lyla from eating her.  Over the last year, and especially while Boone's been in the hospital,  I've been working on the moss garden which has evolved into a volcano which has kept me sane.

It was so good to see Boone after missing him terribly for several days.  I crawled into the hospital bed with him and just laid there for several minutes.  Physical contact is so rare these days, but now his white counts are good enough I feel safe enough for a tiny on the lips kiss without a mask between us.