This is Pauline, Boone's wife. Every year on or near his birthday, he has his annual physical. His doctor told him that he had "Immature blood cells" and referred him to a hemotologist. To Boone's great surprise when he arrived for the appointment, the hemotologist was an oncologist. They drew blood and the Oncologist, Dr. K, wanted to know why I was not with him. Next visit he said, I better be there. A month later, we went to the appointment. Blood was drawn. Dr. K. said it could be a couple of things, and ordered a bone marrow biopsy. On the 3rd month, we heard the diagnosis of CMML.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


January 8th, 2013

This day has been scheduled for a while.  The day’s date has of course been in everyone’s calendar since the current calendar started. It’s been in my (our) calendar to meet with my Oncologist, Dr. S, for a month or more.  Today it arrived.  And while I’ve known for months now that it was coming, as Melanie said so well, “Hearing the news ain’t like being there”. 

Today they scheduled by Bone Marrow Transplant. 

I have an official date for “Day Zero”.

All that stuff I said before about “the initial shock, denial, and other assorted emotions have come and gone”,……………………………….. well they’re back with a vengeance.

I’m scared.

I’m not sure exactly what I’m afraid of.  It’s not dying; at least I don’t think so; at least not exactly.  There is all that stuff I planned to do, the stuff I want to do. I still have albums to convert to CD’s.  I still have Radio Boone presentations to create. I still need to get back to playing chess.  I still have that novel to write.  I still have to figure out what the novel is going to be about.  Six weeks is not enough time to get it all done. 

So, to quote Tom Beringer in Major League, “There’s only one thing left to do, Win the whole fucking thing”.  (You may know already but if not and this writing continues then you will learn that I quote books, songs and movies a lot.)  I think what I’m afraid of is that I’m not sure I have what it takes win it.  Rest assured my plan is to beat this disease and get rid of my psoriasis at the same time.  The odds are 80% that I live thru the transplant and about 50/50 that I make it from there. Those are odds I can win with.  I hope I have what it takes to get there.  I’m just not sure.  When it was off in the future, something to be scheduled, something not in the calendar then it wasn’t quire real to me.  Now it is here and it is all too real. 

And it seems to be happening so fast.

I hope I can keep up.

So I guess it’s time to strap on the big boy pants, stop crying, and get ready to do battle.

Maybe a nap first.

Hope I can sleep.

I’m scared.


Boone


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